ACT 5. Scene 5. Front of Jedediah's House Enter JEDEDIAH, ALVIN, BUBBA, VIOLET, BEULAH, SALLY ANN, Preachin’ Bill, and DAISY PREACHIN’ BILL See, I done tol’ you she was a innocent? JEDEDIAH So is Cap’n Jethro and Abner, who accused her wrongly. T’was that varmint Butch who done caused all this mess. I done talked ta Beulah and she didn’t know whut them villains was up to. Why she wast a victim, too. ALVIN Well, I’ma glad the worst parts over, and now everthang is gonna be alright. BUBBA That’s fer dang sher! I’m just a glad I’m not gonna hafta tangle with young Abner. He’s been a mighty good friend to me. JEDEDIAH Daisy, you and all them women folk needs ta be a hidin’. Abner an’ Jethro should be here anytime. Exit Ladies Cap’n Jethro and Abner promised by this hour to be a visitin’ me. You know your job, brother:You got to be a prentendin’ that Daisy is your onliest daughter and that she ain’t Daisy.And then, give her to young Abner. ALVIN I’ll be glad to do it, brother. BUBBA Can I ast you fer a favor, Preachin’ Bill? PREACHIN’ BILL Whatchu a talkin’ about, Bubba? BUBBA To tie me up, or untie me; one o them.Mr. JEDEDIAH, sir, truth is, good sir, that yer niece regards me with an eye of favor. JEDEDIAH I ‘speck you might be right about that. BUBBA And I got the same eye set on her, Jedediah. JEDEDIAH Yeah, and you can be a thankin’ me and Abner, and the Cap’n fer that later? BUBBA Your answer, sir, don’t make no sense to me: But, my will, I’ma hopin’ will be yern also, and that’s to stand and be married to Violet this very day in holy matrimony. And that, Preachin’ Bill is the favor I’m a needin’ from you, If’n o' course that’s good with Jedediah. JEDEDIAH Welcome to the famly, nephew! PREACHIN’ BILL I’m a glad to do my part, too, Bubba. Look, yonder comes Abner and the Cap’n. Enter JETHRO and ABNER, and two or three others JETHRO Good mornin’ to this fair assembly. JEDEDIAH Good mornin’ Jethro; good mornin’, Abner:We’re at yer service. Are you intendin’ to be a marryin’ my brother’s daughter today? ABNER Don’t worry Jedediah. That thar’s exactly whut I’ma doin’ today. JEDEDIAH Call her forth, brother; the husband to be and Preachin’ Bill is a ready. Exit ALVIN JETHRO Good mornin’, Bubba. Why, what's the matter, that face o' yorn looks even stranger than usual? ABNER Fer some reason, I thank I’ma seein’ some sign o' weddin’ bells in his baby blues. BUBBA Don’t worry bout me; I know whut I’ma gonna be a doin. An I reckon it ain’t a none of yer two businesses. ABNER Look, yonder come the ladies. Re-enter ALVIN, with the Ladies masked Which one o' you is my betrothed.? ALVIN This same is she, and I do give her to ye. ABNER Why, then she's mine. Sweet, young miss, let me see your face. JEDEDIAH No, that you cain’t do until you take her hand and swar to marry her in front o' this here preacher. ABNER Give me your hand: I am your husband if’n you’ll a be a havin’ me. DAISY And when I lived, I was your other wife: Unmasking And when you loved, you were my other husband. ABNER Another Daisy! DAISY Nothing certainer: One Daisy died defiled, but I do live, And surely as I live, I am a maid. JETHRO This cain’t be Daisy! Daisy is dade! JEDEDIAH She died, my Cap’n, but whilest her slander lived. PREACHIN’ BILL All you folks look mighty flabbergasted; I’ll be explainin’ everthang after the weddin’ so don’t fret.I’ll tell you of fair Daisy’s death and how she now live’s again, but first let’s be a makin’ it official twixed Abner and Daisy. BUBBA Hold on a secont, everbody. Which one o' you ladies is Violet? VIOLET [Unmasking] I answer to that name. Is there somethin’ you’re a wantin’ with me? BUBBA Do you not love me? VIOLET Why, no; no more than reason. BUBBA Why, then your uncle and the Cap’n and Abner have done been fooled. They swore you did. VIOLET Do not you love me? BUBBA The truth bein’, no; no more than reason. VIOLET Why, then my cousin, Beulah, and Sally Ann have done been fooled; fer they done swore you did. BUBBA They swore that you was almost sick fer me. VIOLET They swore that you were pert near dead fer me. BUBBA 'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me? VIOLET No, truly, but more like in a friendly way. JEDEDIAH Come, cousin, I am sure you love this here Mountain Man. ABNER And I'll be sworn upon' it that he loves her; fer here's a paper written in his hand, a love sonnet to his most precious Violet. DAISY And here's another writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket, containing her undyin’ affection fer one Bubba Washburn. BUBBA A miracle! here's our own hands against our onliest hearts. Come, I reckon I’ll marry you; but, after a seein’ you in this light, it’ll be cause I feel sorry fer ye. VIOLET I reckon I won’t be a sayin’ no to ya in front o' yor friends, but if truth be tol’, I done smelt pertier skunks than you. BUBBA Stop right thar. Now you be a givin’ me a kiss, afore I change my mind. Kissing her JETHRO I don’t know whut to say; Bubba Washburn, a married man? BUBBA I’ll be a tellin’ you what Cap’n; even you cain’t ruin my day today. Do you thank I keer if yer a funnin’ with me today? No:I know'd I done spoke somethin’ awful about the constitution o' marriage, but right now, I’m the happiest man on Pine Mountain. On any mountin fer that matter. An’ Abner, fer yer part. I’ma a thankin’ I woulda whooped you good in our challenge, but if truth be known, I’d ruther wrestle with a big ol’ bar than be a tanglin’ with you. ABNER I’ma a glad we never did come to blows, but I’da hated to embarrass you in front o' my new cousin. BUBBA Come, come, we are friends: Let’s say our vows so’s we kin commence to the dancin’. JEDEDIAH We'll shur nuff have dancing afterward. BUBBA Cap’n you’re a lookin’ sad, Like I always said, git you a wife, ever man’s a needin’ a wife Enter a Messenger with Butch Messenger Cap’n look here whut varmint we done caught down at Blees an’ Ward’s Ferry about to leave these here parts fer good. BUBBA Don’t be a thankin’ on him today. He ruin’t yesterday, let’s not let him ruin today. Let me thank up a proper punishment fer that one. Be takin’ him away. But fer now, everbody dance! Dance Exit
Enter JEDEDIAH, ALVIN, BUBBA, VIOLET, BEULAH, SALLY ANN, Preachin’ Bill, and DAISY
PREACHIN’ BILL
See, I done tol’ you she was a innocent?
JEDEDIAH
So is Cap’n Jethro and Abner, who accused her wrongly. T’was that varmint Butch who done caused all this mess. I done talked ta Beulah and she didn’t know whut them villains was up to. Why she wast a victim, too.
ALVIN
Well, I’ma glad the worst parts over, and now everthang is gonna be alright.
BUBBA
That’s fer dang sher! I’m just a glad I’m not gonna hafta tangle with young Abner. He’s been a mighty good friend to me.
JEDEDIAH
Daisy, you and all them women folk needs ta be a hidin’. Abner an’ Jethro should be here anytime.
Exit Ladies
Cap’n Jethro and Abner promised by this hour to be a visitin’ me. You know your job, brother:You got to be a prentendin’ that Daisy is your onliest daughter and that she ain’t Daisy.And then, give her to young Abner.
ALVIN
I’ll be glad to do it, brother.
BUBBA
Can I ast you fer a favor, Preachin’ Bill?
PREACHIN’ BILL
Whatchu a talkin’ about, Bubba?
BUBBA
To tie me up, or untie me; one o them.Mr. JEDEDIAH, sir, truth is, good sir, that yer niece regards me with an eye of favor.
JEDEDIAH
I ‘speck you might be right about that.
BUBBA
And I got the same eye set on her, Jedediah.
JEDEDIAH
Yeah, and you can be a thankin’ me and Abner, and the Cap’n fer that later?
BUBBA
Your answer, sir, don’t make no sense to me: But, my will, I’ma hopin’ will be yern also, and that’s to stand and be married to Violet this very day in holy matrimony. And that, Preachin’ Bill is the favor I’m a needin’ from you, If’n o' course that’s good with Jedediah.
JEDEDIAH
Welcome to the famly, nephew!
PREACHIN’ BILL
I’m a glad to do my part, too, Bubba. Look, yonder comes Abner and the Cap’n.
Enter JETHRO and ABNER, and two or three others
JETHRO
Good mornin’ to this fair assembly.
JEDEDIAH
Good mornin’ Jethro; good mornin’, Abner:We’re at yer service. Are you intendin’ to be a marryin’ my brother’s daughter today?
ABNER
Don’t worry Jedediah. That thar’s exactly whut I’ma doin’ today.
JEDEDIAH
Call her forth, brother; the husband to be and Preachin’ Bill is a ready.
Exit ALVIN
JETHRO
Good mornin’, Bubba. Why, what's the matter, that face o' yorn looks even stranger than usual?
ABNER
Fer some reason, I thank I’ma seein’ some sign o' weddin’ bells in his baby blues.
BUBBA
Don’t worry bout me; I know whut I’ma gonna be a doin. An I reckon it ain’t a none of yer two businesses.
ABNER
Look, yonder come the ladies.
Re-enter ALVIN, with the Ladies masked
Which one o' you is my betrothed.?
ALVIN
This same is she, and I do give her to ye.
ABNER
Why, then she's mine. Sweet, young miss, let me see your face.
JEDEDIAH
No, that you cain’t do until you take her hand and swar to marry her in front o' this here preacher.
ABNER
Give me your hand: I am your husband if’n you’ll a be a havin’ me.
DAISY
And when I lived, I was your other wife:
Unmasking
And when you loved, you were my other husband.
ABNER
Another Daisy!
DAISY
Nothing certainer: One Daisy died defiled, but I do live, And surely as I live, I am a maid.
JETHRO
This cain’t be Daisy! Daisy is dade!
JEDEDIAH
She died, my Cap’n, but whilest her slander lived.
PREACHIN’ BILL
All you folks look mighty flabbergasted; I’ll be explainin’ everthang after the weddin’ so don’t fret.I’ll tell you of fair Daisy’s death and how she now live’s again, but first let’s be a makin’ it official twixed Abner and Daisy.
BUBBA
Hold on a secont, everbody. Which one o' you ladies is Violet?
VIOLET
[Unmasking] I answer to that name. Is there somethin’ you’re a wantin’ with me?
BUBBA
Do you not love me?
VIOLET
Why, no; no more than reason.
BUBBA
Why, then your uncle and the Cap’n and Abner have done been fooled. They swore you did.
VIOLET
Do not you love me?
BUBBA
The truth bein’, no; no more than reason.
VIOLET
Why, then my cousin, Beulah, and Sally Ann have done been fooled; fer they done swore you did.
BUBBA
They swore that you was almost sick fer me.
VIOLET
They swore that you were pert near dead fer me.
BUBBA
'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
VIOLET
No, truly, but more like in a friendly way.
JEDEDIAH
Come, cousin, I am sure you love this here Mountain Man.
ABNER
And I'll be sworn upon' it that he loves her; fer here's a paper written in his hand, a love sonnet to his most precious Violet.
DAISY
And here's another writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket, containing her undyin’ affection fer one Bubba Washburn.
BUBBA
A miracle! here's our own hands against our onliest hearts. Come, I reckon I’ll marry you; but, after a seein’ you in this light, it’ll be cause I feel sorry fer ye.
VIOLET
I reckon I won’t be a sayin’ no to ya in front o' yor friends, but if truth be tol’, I done smelt pertier skunks than you.
BUBBA
Stop right thar. Now you be a givin’ me a kiss, afore I change my mind.
Kissing her
JETHRO
I don’t know whut to say; Bubba Washburn, a married man?
BUBBA
I’ll be a tellin’ you what Cap’n; even you cain’t ruin my day today. Do you thank I keer if yer a funnin’ with me today? No:I know'd I done spoke somethin’ awful about the constitution o' marriage, but right now, I’m the happiest man on Pine Mountain. On any mountin fer that matter. An’ Abner, fer yer part. I’ma a thankin’ I woulda whooped you good in our challenge, but if truth be known, I’d ruther wrestle with a big ol’ bar than be a tanglin’ with you.
ABNER
I’ma a glad we never did come to blows, but I’da hated to embarrass you in front o' my new cousin.
BUBBA
Come, come, we are friends: Let’s say our vows so’s we kin commence to the dancin’.
JEDEDIAH
We'll shur nuff have dancing afterward.
BUBBA
Cap’n you’re a lookin’ sad, Like I always said, git you a wife, ever man’s a needin’ a wife
Enter a Messenger with Butch
Messenger
Cap’n look here whut varmint we done caught down at Blees an’ Ward’s Ferry about to leave these here parts fer good.
BUBBA
Don’t be a thankin’ on him today. He ruin’t yesterday, let’s not let him ruin today. Let me thank up a proper punishment fer that one. Be takin’ him away. But fer now, everbody dance!
Dance
Exit