ACT 5. SCENE I. Front of JEDEDIAH'S house. Enter JEDEDIAH and ALVIN ALVIN You cain’t be a lettin’ this git to you, Jedediah; You got ta be strong, fer Daisy’s sake. JEDEDIAH It’s no use a tryin’ ta make me feel better, Alvin. I just cain’t quit a thankin’ about it. Why this is the craziestest thang whut I done ever saw. I knowd my daughter, well enuff to know she ain’t a lyin’ ta me about this thang. And, I know Jethro well enough to know he ain’t a lyin’ bout it neither. Why, I feel like I kin trust Abner like my ownliest son. Now that thar Butch, I’d druther walk around here a carryin’ a rattlesnake in my pocket than be a trustin’ that Revenuer, but them other boys, seems like good boys to me. That’s whut I cain’t figger out. Why, I hain’t never been a hurt like this. Why are them boys a hurtin’ me so? ALVIN Men do strange thangs, that’s fer sure. Whatever the reason, brother, I’m here fer ye. JEDEDIAH Reason! Reason! Where’s the dad burnt reason in this whole thang. All I’ma knowin’ is that them boys done disgraced my daughter, and she’s the onliest daughter I got. I know in my heart she’s a tellin’ me the truth, and them boys is gonna regret the day they messed with Jedediah Hogue. Here come them Bald Knobbers now!
Enter JETHRO and ABNER
JETHRO Good day, Gentlemen. ABNER (Knodding) Fellas. JEDEDIAH Hold on Gentlemen yourselves. JETHRO We’re in a heap of a hurry, Jedediah. JEDEDIAH Hurry are ya? Well how fast is you a goin’ now? JETHRO Stop right thar, old man. We ain’t a lookin’ fer no trouble with yuins? ALVIN Watch em’ Jedediah, you done seen what they’re about. ABNER What are you a meanin’ by that? JEDEDIAH You both done wronged me and my family. That’s what I’ma meanin’ by that. Go ahead an’ reach fer that huntin’ knife boy. I ain’t afeard of a cowartly possum like you! ABNER I won’t be a pullin’ no weapon to deal with the likes o somebody yer age. JEDEDIAH Don’t be a makin’ jokes at me, you durn young whippersnapper! I ain’t no fool and even though I’m old enough to be yore daddy, an’ I’ll whoop you like a skint pole cat! Abner, you have wronged my innocent child and me, and thanks to yer lyin’ villainy, my precious baby is daid! Kilt by yer selfish scandal. I don’t know why you done whut you done, but thanks to you my girl done lies buried with her ancistors. ABNER Are you a sayin’ that Daisy is daid? JEDEDIAH Yes sir! An It’s you who done kilt her. You and Jethro’s and Butches lies. JETHRO You is dead wrong, old man! ABNER Away! I’ll be a havin’ no more to do with this or you. JEDEDIAH What’s a matter, boy. You so use to killin’ children that you afraid to kill a man? ALVIN He’ll have to be a killin’ the two of us, brother. But first, let him give me a try.Boy, you ain’t never been a whooped like the whoopin’ I’m about to put on you. JEDEDIAH Brother,-- ALVIN I loved my niece, Jedediah, and now she’s been slander’d to death by these here boys, these braggarts, whippersnappers! JEDEDIAH But, brother Alvin,-- ALVIN Don’t worry Jedediah, I’ll be a taken care o this myself. JETHRO Now fellas, we ain’t a puttin’ up with this no more. We are very sad fer the loss o your daughter, but I swar to you both, what we done charged her with is very true and full of proof. We done seen her with our own two eyeballs. JEDEDIAH But Cap’n Jethro- JETHRO I will not hear you. JEDEDIAH No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard. ALVIN You shore will, brother. Some o us here is gonna be real sorry fer some o the thangs they done. Exit JEDEDIAH and ALVIN JETHRO Thank goodness, here comes Bubba. Enter BUBBA ABNER Yer a mighty welcome sight, Bubba? BUBBA Howdy, Jethro. JETHRO You pert near arrived right in the middle of a ruckus. ABNER We liked ta almost had our noses snapped off by two old men with no teeth. JETHRO I don’t care if’n they are old, I wouldn’t won’t to tangle with Jedediah and his brother right now. BUBBA I’d like a word er two with you, Abner? ABNER What’s the matter with you Bubba, you’re a lookin’ kind o upset? BUBBA [Aside to ABNER] You are a villain; and I ain’t a jokin’. I’ma challengin’ you to a mountain duel and you know the last mountain duel I wast in, I done kilt a man. Between the two o you, you have kilt an innocent sweet girl. This thang you have done, will go down heavy on you. I’ll be aspectin’ to hear from you, boy. Abner You’re wrong, Bubba. BUBBA Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. Cap’n, for your friendship all these years, I’ma a thankin’ you,but, I must discontinue your company: your brother, Butch hast done fled the mountain, and you have amonst yerselves done kilt a sweet and innocent lady. As far as yer boy there goes, he’s been challenged. I’d be a sharpenin’ my blade if’n I wuz him. Exit JETHRO He ain’t a jokin’. ABNER He shore ain’t. I’m a guessin’ he’s a doin’ this fer Violet. JETHRO And he’s done challenged you, Abner. ABNER Most sincerely. JETHRO Did he not say, my brother was fled? Why would he run off without tellin’ us?
Enter ROSCOE, BARNEY, and the Watch, with JOHN BOY and OTIS
ROSCOE What you do in the dark, comes out in the light. That’s whut momma done always tol’ me. JETHRO How now? These two raggly tags work fer my brother. What are ya’ll a doin’ to ‘em? ABNER Have they done somethin’? JETHRO Officers, what are the charges on these two? ROSCOE The firs thang they done was ta lie. Then, after that, they done spoke untruths. Secondly, they are slanderers, and sixth and lastly, they done belied Jedediah’s daughter, Daisy. Thirdly, they hast verified unjust thangs, and in conclusion, they is lyin’, horse theivin’ , revenuers. JETHRO What have ya’ll to say fer yerselves? This here Mountain constable is too cunnin’ to figger out. OTIS Cap’n Jethro, here it is. I’ll be a tellin’ you the truth, and then you kin let Abner here be a killin’ me. I have deceived even yer very eyes. What even yer wisdom didn’t discover, these shallow fools here done figgered out. Thesein’s, overhurt me a tellin’ John Boy here how I done wooed Beulah whilest callin’ her “Daisy” and havin’ her put on a wig ta make her look like Daisy, so’s that yuin’s would be a thankin, that she was a cheatin’ on Abner, here. It was Butch whut done put us up to it. He done paid me $20. Now, Miss Daisy is daid on my account and Butch’s accusin’ fanger. Right now, I’d just apprediate it if’n you’d be a doin’ me in. Give me whut a villain deserves. JETHRO I cain’t believe whut I’ma hearin’? ABNER My precious Daisy. She loved me after all? JETHRO That’s why he done left Pine Mountain. That sorry no good varmint. ABNER Sweet Daisy! I have done kilt my true love. ROSCOE Come, neighbors. Let’s take these here two scalliwags to the jailhouse. By this time, the judge hast done informed Jedediah about what they done. BARNEY Look, here comes the judge with Jedediah as we speak.
Re-enter JEDEDIAH and ALVIN, with the Judge
JEDEDIAH Which ones are the villains, so’s that I kin lay my own eyeballs on them. OTIS That’d be me, Mr. Hogue. JEDEDIAH Are you the sorry critter whut done slandered my innocent girl to death? OTIS Yea, even me alone. JEDEDIAH That’s not so, villain. You had yerself plenty o hep right cheer with these two fine Mountain Men. ABNER I don’t know whut to say, Jedediah other than to tell you to give me any punishment you can dream of and I’ll be a grateful fer it. Fer I have wronged you and Daisy even though I thought I wast a doin’ the right thang. JETHRO Punish me, too Jedediah. Anythang that might make you feel better. JEDEDIAH I cain’t brang my daughter back, that’s impossible, but tell everbody on this here Mountain, that Daisy wast true and loyal ever day o her life and that she had been falsly slandered. Tonight, hang her an epitaph on her tomb what sang it to her bones. Then, tomorry, come to my house. Since you could not be my son, be my nephew. Fer my brother, Alvin, hast a daughter the spittin image o mine. She alone is a gonna end up a ownin’ this here Mountain whenst me and Alvin are gone. Marry her instead, and there will die my revenge; ABNER Your kindness brangs tears to me. I’ll be there bright and early, and be glad to do yer will. JEDEDIAH Tomorry then I will expect your comin’. I’ll be a goin’ home myself now. I’ll be a needin’ an explanation from Beulah as to whut her part in this thang wast. She must o been hiret by Butch also. OTIS No, I swar, she’s as innocent as she can be. She didn’t know whut my plan was. As long as I knowed her, she’s been as good as gold. She wouldn’t never hurt nobody on purpose. ROSCOE Yess’r. The watchmen, judge, Barney an’ myself done determined that this here bald knobber done fooled Miss Beulah, too. She didn’t have no clue whut Butch and Otis, here was up ta. JEDEDIAH I’ma a thankin’ you an’ yer good men fer the good work whut ya’ll done done. ROSCOE Comin’ from you, Jedediah, that means a lot! Me an’ the boys was proud and honored to be a doin’ it. JEDEDIAH This here’s fer you. ROSCOE I couldn’t be a takin’ that. Well, if’n yuse insist. JEDEDIAH Go, I discharge you of yer prisoner, and I thank ye. ROSCOE I leave an arrant knave with you and the Cap’n; which I’m a hopin’ you’ll be usin’ to sit a good example. I hope that God’ll be a blessing you and Pine Mountain. Be seein’s yuin’s on the other side. Come neighbor.
Exit ROSCOE and BARNEY
JEDEDIAH Until tomorry morning, fellas, farewell. ALVIN Farewell, fellas: we look for you tomorry. JETHRO We will not fail; we’ll be there. ABNER Tonight I'll mourn with Daisy. JEDEDIAH [To the Watch] Bring these fellas with ya to the jailhouse. We'll talk with Beulah and find out how she got mixed up with the likes o thesin’s. Exit
Enter JEDEDIAH and ALVIN
ALVIN
You cain’t be a lettin’ this git to you, Jedediah; You got ta be strong, fer Daisy’s sake.
JEDEDIAH
It’s no use a tryin’ ta make me feel better, Alvin. I just cain’t quit a thankin’ about it. Why this is the craziestest thang whut I done ever saw. I knowd my daughter, well enuff to know she ain’t a lyin’ ta me about this thang. And, I know Jethro well enough to know he ain’t a lyin’ bout it neither. Why, I feel like I kin trust Abner like my ownliest son. Now that thar Butch, I’d druther walk around here a carryin’ a rattlesnake in my pocket than be a trustin’ that Revenuer, but them other boys, seems like good boys to me. That’s whut I cain’t figger out. Why, I hain’t never been a hurt like this. Why are them boys a hurtin’ me so?
ALVIN
Men do strange thangs, that’s fer sure. Whatever the reason, brother, I’m here fer ye.
JEDEDIAH
Reason! Reason! Where’s the dad burnt reason in this whole thang. All I’ma knowin’ is that them boys done disgraced my daughter, and she’s the onliest daughter I got. I know in my heart she’s a tellin’ me the truth, and them boys is gonna regret the day they messed with Jedediah Hogue. Here come them Bald Knobbers now!
Enter JETHRO and ABNER
JETHRO
Good day, Gentlemen.
ABNER
(Knodding) Fellas.
JEDEDIAH
Hold on Gentlemen yourselves.
JETHRO
We’re in a heap of a hurry, Jedediah.
JEDEDIAH
Hurry are ya? Well how fast is you a goin’ now?
JETHRO
Stop right thar, old man. We ain’t a lookin’ fer no trouble with yuins?
ALVIN
Watch em’ Jedediah, you done seen what they’re about.
ABNER
What are you a meanin’ by that?
JEDEDIAH
You both done wronged me and my family. That’s what I’ma meanin’ by that. Go ahead an’ reach fer that huntin’ knife boy. I ain’t afeard of a cowartly possum like you!
ABNER
I won’t be a pullin’ no weapon to deal with the likes o somebody yer age.
JEDEDIAH
Don’t be a makin’ jokes at me, you durn young whippersnapper! I ain’t no fool and even though I’m old enough to be yore daddy, an’ I’ll whoop you like a skint pole cat! Abner, you have wronged my innocent child and me, and thanks to yer lyin’ villainy, my precious baby is daid! Kilt by yer selfish scandal. I don’t know why you done whut you done, but thanks to you my girl done lies buried with her ancistors.
ABNER
Are you a sayin’ that Daisy is daid?
JEDEDIAH
Yes sir! An It’s you who done kilt her. You and Jethro’s and Butches lies.
JETHRO
You is dead wrong, old man!
ABNER
Away! I’ll be a havin’ no more to do with this or you.
JEDEDIAH
What’s a matter, boy. You so use to killin’ children that you afraid to kill a man?
ALVIN
He’ll have to be a killin’ the two of us, brother. But first, let him give me a try.Boy, you ain’t never been a whooped like the whoopin’ I’m about to put on you.
JEDEDIAH
Brother,--
ALVIN
I loved my niece, Jedediah, and now she’s been slander’d to death by these here boys, these braggarts, whippersnappers!
JEDEDIAH
But, brother Alvin,--
ALVIN
Don’t worry Jedediah, I’ll be a taken care o this myself.
JETHRO
Now fellas, we ain’t a puttin’ up with this no more. We are very sad fer the loss o your daughter, but I swar to you both, what we done charged her with is very true and full of proof. We done seen her with our own two eyeballs.
JEDEDIAH
But Cap’n Jethro-
JETHRO
I will not hear you.
JEDEDIAH
No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.
ALVIN
You shore will, brother. Some o us here is gonna be real sorry fer some o the thangs they done.
Exit JEDEDIAH and ALVIN
JETHRO
Thank goodness, here comes Bubba.
Enter BUBBA
ABNER
Yer a mighty welcome sight, Bubba?
BUBBA
Howdy, Jethro.
JETHRO
You pert near arrived right in the middle of a ruckus.
ABNER
We liked ta almost had our noses snapped off by two old men with no teeth.
JETHRO
I don’t care if’n they are old, I wouldn’t won’t to tangle with Jedediah and his brother right now.
BUBBA
I’d like a word er two with you, Abner?
ABNER
What’s the matter with you Bubba, you’re a lookin’ kind o upset?
BUBBA
[Aside to ABNER] You are a villain; and I ain’t a jokin’. I’ma challengin’ you to a mountain duel and you know the last mountain duel I wast in, I done kilt a man. Between the two o you, you have kilt an innocent sweet girl. This thang you have done, will go down heavy on you. I’ll be aspectin’ to hear from you, boy.
Abner
You’re wrong, Bubba.
BUBBA
Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. Cap’n, for your friendship all these years, I’ma a thankin’ you,but, I must discontinue your company: your brother, Butch hast done fled the mountain, and you have amonst yerselves done kilt a sweet and innocent lady. As far as yer boy there goes, he’s been challenged. I’d be a sharpenin’ my blade if’n I wuz him.
Exit
JETHRO
He ain’t a jokin’.
ABNER
He shore ain’t. I’m a guessin’ he’s a doin’ this fer Violet.
JETHRO
And he’s done challenged you, Abner.
ABNER
Most sincerely.
JETHRO
Did he not say, my brother was fled? Why would he run off without tellin’ us?
Enter ROSCOE, BARNEY, and the Watch, with JOHN BOY and OTIS
ROSCOE
What you do in the dark, comes out in the light. That’s whut momma done always tol’ me.
JETHRO
How now? These two raggly tags work fer my brother. What are ya’ll a doin’ to ‘em?
ABNER
Have they done somethin’?
JETHRO
Officers, what are the charges on these two?
ROSCOE
The firs thang they done was ta lie. Then, after that, they done spoke untruths. Secondly, they are slanderers, and sixth and lastly, they done belied Jedediah’s daughter, Daisy. Thirdly, they hast verified unjust thangs, and in conclusion, they is lyin’, horse theivin’ , revenuers.
JETHRO
What have ya’ll to say fer yerselves? This here Mountain constable is too cunnin’ to figger out.
OTIS
Cap’n Jethro, here it is. I’ll be a tellin’ you the truth, and then you kin let Abner here be a killin’ me. I have deceived even yer very eyes. What even yer wisdom didn’t discover, these shallow fools here done figgered out. Thesein’s, overhurt me a tellin’ John Boy here how I done wooed Beulah whilest callin’ her “Daisy” and havin’ her put on a wig ta make her look like Daisy, so’s that yuin’s would be a thankin, that she was a cheatin’ on Abner, here. It was Butch whut done put us up to it. He done paid me $20. Now, Miss Daisy is daid on my account and Butch’s accusin’ fanger. Right now, I’d just apprediate it if’n you’d be a doin’ me in. Give me whut a villain deserves.
JETHRO
I cain’t believe whut I’ma hearin’?
ABNER
My precious Daisy. She loved me after all?
JETHRO
That’s why he done left Pine Mountain. That sorry no good varmint.
ABNER
Sweet Daisy! I have done kilt my true love.
ROSCOE
Come, neighbors. Let’s take these here two scalliwags to the jailhouse. By this time, the judge hast done informed Jedediah about what they done.
BARNEY
Look, here comes the judge with Jedediah as we speak.
Re-enter JEDEDIAH and ALVIN, with the Judge
JEDEDIAH
Which ones are the villains, so’s that I kin lay my own eyeballs on them.
OTIS
That’d be me, Mr. Hogue.
JEDEDIAH
Are you the sorry critter whut done slandered my innocent girl to death?
OTIS
Yea, even me alone.
JEDEDIAH
That’s not so, villain. You had yerself plenty o hep right cheer with these two fine Mountain Men.
ABNER
I don’t know whut to say, Jedediah other than to tell you to give me any punishment you can dream of and I’ll be a grateful fer it. Fer I have wronged you and Daisy even though I thought I wast a doin’ the right thang.
JETHRO
Punish me, too Jedediah. Anythang that might make you feel better.
JEDEDIAH
I cain’t brang my daughter back, that’s impossible, but tell everbody on this here Mountain, that Daisy wast true and loyal ever day o her life and that she had been falsly slandered. Tonight, hang her an epitaph on her tomb what sang it to her bones. Then, tomorry, come to my house. Since you could not be my son, be my nephew. Fer my brother, Alvin, hast a daughter the spittin image o mine. She alone is a gonna end up a ownin’ this here Mountain whenst me and Alvin are gone. Marry her instead, and there will die my revenge;
ABNER
Your kindness brangs tears to me. I’ll be there bright and early, and be glad to do yer will.
JEDEDIAH
Tomorry then I will expect your comin’. I’ll be a goin’ home myself now. I’ll be a needin’ an explanation from Beulah as to whut her part in this thang wast. She must o been hiret by Butch also.
OTIS
No, I swar, she’s as innocent as she can be. She didn’t know whut my plan was. As long as I knowed her, she’s been as good as gold. She wouldn’t never hurt nobody on purpose.
ROSCOE
Yess’r. The watchmen, judge, Barney an’ myself done determined that this here bald knobber done fooled Miss Beulah, too. She didn’t have no clue whut Butch and Otis, here was up ta.
JEDEDIAH
I’ma a thankin’ you an’ yer good men fer the good work whut ya’ll done done.
ROSCOE
Comin’ from you, Jedediah, that means a lot! Me an’ the boys was proud and honored to be a doin’ it.
JEDEDIAH
This here’s fer you.
ROSCOE
I couldn’t be a takin’ that. Well, if’n yuse insist.
JEDEDIAH
Go, I discharge you of yer prisoner, and I thank ye.
ROSCOE
I leave an arrant knave with you and the Cap’n; which I’m a hopin’ you’ll be usin’ to sit a good example. I hope that God’ll be a blessing you and Pine Mountain. Be seein’s yuin’s on the other side. Come neighbor.
Exit ROSCOE and BARNEY
JEDEDIAH
Until tomorry morning, fellas, farewell.
ALVIN
Farewell, fellas: we look for you tomorry.
JETHRO
We will not fail; we’ll be there.
ABNER
Tonight I'll mourn with Daisy.
JEDEDIAH
[To the Watch] Bring these fellas with ya to the jailhouse. We'll talk with Beulah and find out how she got mixed up with the likes o thesin’s.
Exit